5 Months Ago

It's so hard to believe that it's been 5 months ago today that we lost my daddy. It seems like an eternity since I heard his laugh, got one of those 50 emails that I got everyday from him, held his hand and heard him say "Love you" to me. I go places that I would see him and I realize at times that I am looking for him around every corner. In the back of my mind, I knew that one day he would be gone but I still wasn't ready for it.

This week it has really hit me hard that he is gone. I don't know quite why. It could be that we leave tomorrow for our annual family vacation and he won't be there. This time so important to him. He so enjoyed having all of us down there - playing putt-putt, eating out - just being together as a family. Or it could be that the babies are turning 1 next month and they won't even get to know him. He loved and cherished his grandchildren - all six of them. He would bust with pride when he talked about them and showed them off every chance he had. I feel like my kids have gotten the short end of this deal. I am not really sure what it is, but this week has been hard.

As life continues on, the hole in our family will remain. There will be another vacation, birthday party, holiday or any day that he won't be missed. But the things that we learned from him - the good and bad, the values he instilled in us and our memories of him will live on forever. That is what we have to cling to. They say with time that it gets easier. You don't stop missing them, it's just that you don't cry every time something comes up.

So as we pack tonight for our vacation tomorrow, I will remember the good times we had and how much he would want us all to go and have a blast. And because it was so important to him, it will be important to me.

Daddy, I love you!