Today was a first Father's Day. A first for my husband with his own kids. Yes he has been a daddy since we've been married to the older ones, but we have always done JC Day with them since they are always with their daddy. This year they were with us all day which was a first. A first for him to hear our baby boy say "DaDa" for the first time, to see and spend time with all four. Yes a day of firsts.
But it was also a day of first for me. The first Father's Day without my Diddy. The first one that I didn't join my family on the long pew at church and see him so proud that we could fill up a whole row. The first one that I didn't get to meet him with my family at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. A day I didn't get to tell him I loved him or feel his big hug. Yes a day of firsts.
Today was hard for me as are many days. I miss my hero, my Diddy so much it hurts. It was bittersweet to spend the day with my husband as he experienced his first one while I hurt deep inside. It's been over four months since he passed away and I miss him just as much now as I did then.
As I visited his grave today it was still hard to believe that he was gone. I have days where I see or hear something and think "I need to call Diddy" only to remember I can't. Or some little thing will happen and remember he isn't here to take care of me.
As hard as today was, I felt so blessed to have had a daddy who loved his Lord and his family like he did. There are many in this world who never have that. Happy Father's Day to my husband. And happy Father's Day to you Diddy; you are truly missed everyday.
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